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Then call around to therapists and ask if they are familiar with the book and subscribe to what it teaches. (You can often find this on their website, which will help you rule out many therapists quickly.) If they do sometimes diagnose clients as co-sex addict, and hopefully they don’t, ask if they evaluate them first or if that is the name they give all partners of sex addicts.

Do they refer partners to COSA, S-Anon, or any other 12 step meetings? 12 step meetings are almost always for addicts and codependent family members of addicts.

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It can be harder than you think to find a counselor who really gets the trauma you have suffered as a partner of a porn or sexual addict.

Learn what to look for, what questions to ask, and what to do when you keep hitting road blocks.

APSATS is a non-profit organization dedicated to the professional training and certification, public education, research and advocacy for treatment of sex addiction- induced trauma. If your husband is in recovery and you both want to stay married, ask if they support simultaneous couple’s and individual counseling.

Many will say that you should both focus only on yourselves for the first several months or more and then deal with the marriage.

Since the release of the book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, partners have been desperate to find professionals who work from this model.

E-mails are pouring in asking for referrals to therapists who have been trained by APSATS.

With some guidance from your therapist, you should be allowed to ask whatever questions you like during the disclosure.

Important caveat: Your primary therapist does not have to be the one to do your disclosure.

However, we have our first training coming up in June 2013, which will provide in depth training to therapists and coaches on treating partners from the sex addiction-induced trauma model. Plead with them to participate in the APSATS training.

Trainings will be offered all over the country at least twice a year. They can read all about it on the website mentioned above and register there as well.

Many partners of addicts (such as drug addicts and alcoholics) do enable addictive behavior, turn a blind eye, allow their children to be put in harm’s way by not protecting them from the addict, etc. But most partners had no idea their spouse was a sex addict for many years.

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